Friday, September 23, 2011

Lego Police Motorcycle review

The bikes down here at Police HQ are long past their best.  Bits are falling off, they look scruffy and there's more parts welded on than a page 3 glamour model.  It was with huge relief that an updated version of the trusty LEGO Police Motorcycle was delivered to the garage.

I look soooo cool.


As with all LEGO models, they are self-assembly and it took a good few minutes for us to attached all the bits together.  The instructions were dead easy, although a couple of us were needed to lift the chassis onto the fairing but it wasn't too bad.  They even supplied a new helmets with a slide-up visor.  This was most welcome as thanks to the old visor-less helmets, I've got more flies in my teeth than a small dog chewing day-old poo.  Lego even supply a spare visor.  How good is that?

Those boys down the workshop know what they're doing.  Even in space.


This bike is fast, very fast I have to say.  From the lights just outside of TV-Standville, I was able to reach Settee Hill in an amazing 3.6 seconds, much faster than the old model.  Top speed, as observed on the kitchen floor test-track reached a mind-boggling 6 million miles per hour.  I was glad of the visor, I can tell you.  Mid-range response is good with all of those 2400 cylinders in the engine providing amazing torque.  The engine itself, despite thick twin mufflers, sounds meaty with a growling 'mmmm', 'mmmmmMM', 'mmmmmMMMMMM', 'WEEEEEEEEEE' type noises.  It certainly turns heads when riding through town.


It looks like it shouldn't be good at handling, particularly with the fixed handlebar configuration, square car tyres and chunky fairing but it's surprisingly nimble.  Chasing after a cat (burglar) the other day was great fun, whizzing through the chicane at Chair Leg Avenue with ease and literally running rings around Hi-Fi Central.  There's not much clearance with the fairing and side stands though and grinding down is a problem.

Stop! Halt!

For a basic model, we in Police HQ were surprised with the extras.  One front yellow light (non-shining), two blue lights (non-shining, non-flashing), three rear tail lights (red, non-shining, non-flashing), TWO radio aerials AND a walkie-talkie complete with holder.  We looked proper 'bling' driving through town at night.  We want to put some flashing blue neon lights on the bottom but so far, Chief Papa has denied our requests.  The miserable old goat.

There are two luggage cases, either side of the rear sub-frame but as far as we could see, there was no way to open them.  This seemed a scandalous waste of space and if we weren't mistaken, they are there purely for show.  Where are we going to put our notebooks, nightsticks and bag of donuts?

It has an independently-operated double kick-stand and even a spare should one go missing.  This doubled up as a useful crutch after I came off.  Yes, I had an 'incident' with the afore-mentioned cat (burglar).  I can't say much as investigations are ongoing but suffice to say, the cat stopped, I didn't and the rest is history.  The injuries were slight however so don't worry.  My leg came off, as did my head and I think my torso was ripped in two but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed by running crying to Chief Papa.

This looks worse than it is.

The siren is loud and goes, 'Mee-maw, mee-maw, mee-maw' (* - see below)

Bad Bits

Big Jock McEngine down in the repair shop wasn't impressed.  You see, he's a bit of a 'tinkerer' when it comes to his vehicles.  It's been so long since we've had anything new and he's used to making his own unique brand of customizations.  He didn't like the chassis or fairing, stating that nothing can be done with them insofar as adding extra bits on.  I can see his point if I'm honest.  The front light *could* be removed and an extra-large Deathray Laser Cannon would conceivably fit into the space but that's about it.  Also, when inevitably this motorcycle 'fails'  i.e thrown down the stairs, using these 'factory special' components for something else will prove difficult.

The rear luggage cases, as well as not opening, have a propensity to fall off as there is only one fixing lug.  This seemed a bit cheap on LEGO's part.  Surely they could have put two lugs on there for a bit of extra purchase?  The last thing you want when chasing the dastardly Dick Dastardly (see pics) is to have to stop to pick bits up.  Totally destroys the street cred.

Dick Dastardly about to kill the photographer.  Grrr.

The visor on the new helmets are great, but are quite fiddly and difficult to see on a carpet should they fall off.  Chief Papa stepped on one the other day and he shouted words that would make a Donny lass blush.


For £3.97, the Lego Motorcycle represents excellent value for money.  It falls down somewhat in the longevity stakes as part of the appeal of *any* Lego product is the ability to use the  bricks to make other things.  The two main components here, the chassis and the fairing, could not by any stretch of the imagination be used to make anything other than a chassis and a fairing which is a real shame.  Lego are in danger of removing the biggest weapon they have in their armoury and that is the power of imagination.  Without it, they are just like any other bog-standard toy.

Apart from that, the extras make it a worthwhile investment to add to your arsenal of vehicles for the never-ending fight against crime.

You'll like this if ... You want to catch criminals
You won't like this if ... You're a desk jockey

(* - siren not included.  Make your own noises).

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